Okay, so I mentioned that I'm having this duel to the death with Libby over who can acquire 50 followers first. I don't want you to think I'm becoming obsessed or anything, but I believe she has taken out a billboard in her hometown. (And I'm pretty sure she's the one who has been sending inappropriate pornographic material to my 8-year-old son.) Because I am not afraid of a challenge, I'm providing a link to her site here Gateway To Hell. I should probably warn you that you may be offended at some of the material posted there, although I believe she has recently taken down all her "I heart Hitler" and "Gandhi was a Pussy" flair. Also, her blog may make you fat. And bloated and gassy. (I'm pretty certain she's bloated and gassy when she writes it.) Follow my blog, on the other hand, and you can be assured 50 virgins in heaven. And all the proceeds go to charity, so you are probably saving lives as well.
Back to my real life: I think it's time to potty train Megan. I was so anxious to start early with Jay because moms like to brag about shit like how early their kid was potty trained (and as you can see from the passage above I am a tad bit competitive, but only about trivial stuff and not anything important like getting the best grades in college or orchestrating the best fundraiser ever to feed children in third world countries). With Megan I was kind of content to let her sport the diaper for awhile and sit perched on my shoulder like one of those little trained monkeys on a chain at the fair. But she seems to be in a big hurry to grow up (girls are different than boys that way I've been told, and I'm inclined to believe it because sometimes I think that my husband would happily wear a diaper so he wouldn't have to get out of his recliner during a game.)
Oh, BTW-- my friend's baby is 21 inches long, 7 pounds 9 ounces (or something like that, give or take an eight ball or two), and she delivered vaginally. There, I am once again a good friend. (Well, kinda-- I called her but have not seen the kid yet. But I will-- Rome was not built in one day, you know.)
P.S. Every time Libby gets another follower a unicorn dies and an angel loses it's wings.
9 comments:
Kim,
I have to admit I went over to the other side. It was just a short visit and I promise I did not sign up as a "follower". She's funny and all but I like your humor much better. I think it has something to do with the use of the "F" word. You use it and I like it!
But seriously... I love that you post in a column. It's very hard to read from one side of the page to the other. Even with my glasses on it's hard to follow. And the most important thing for me is that I can read you at work by minimizing the page just to the size of your column and no one around me is the wiser. Reading Libby's, at least for me, would be like announcing to everyone in the office "I AM READING BLOGS ON COMPANY TIME". Does any of that make sense?
Ghandi was TOTALLY a pussy, but I promise I won't follow her unless she's giving out money or brownies or something.
i have people signing up all over the place for you -- I want a cut... you are making money, right?
Christi-Isn't it enough that you are winning the favor of me, and God? Now go forth and do some more good work.
Julie- I'm glad you like it when I say the F word, because I say it A LOT. Actually, I don't that much in real life. I just like to put on my rubber bodysuit and do it here.
LGBG- I realized after I wrote this that Gandhi was in fact totally a pussy. I think I'm helping the enemy there.
Jesus said that anyone who follows me gets free wine.
Just sayin'...
You're very funny. In the immortal words of the 80's art rock band Genesis, "if you follow me I will follow you..."
See, here's the thing. I followed LL a couple of days before the Great Follow War began. I think I really like you both. So I'm going to make the neutrality call and follow you both.
(Libby - please don't send locusts to eat my house.)
I may have to stand clear of Libby the next time I see her in person, I just hope that my being her oldest sister's best friend for 15+ years will save me from her wrath!
I have to confess I like BOTH of your blogs. I'm already a subscriber on here. I think I may already be a subscriber on her blog as well. Good luck! P.S. Also, good luck with the potty training. It took me 2 years to potty train my daughter. She still wears a pull up at night. I'm not as competitive as you. Probably because I know I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell at winning, well, anything.
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