Team Jason

Everyone loves my husband.  If we divorced and our friends were forced to choose sides, I think I'd be left with the deviant and the drunk (which may not be such a bad thing in a situation like that).  I think even my Dad preferred him to me.  Jason is just a likable guy, and easy to talk to.  The man will start a conversation with anyone--  mailman, people in line, cashiers.  Me, I just want to pay for my groceries and get home, not discuss how Phil or Fred are hitting the golf balls that day.  I've lived in the South most of my life now, but I think I've always retained a Yankee mentality in that regard.  I'm just not a small talk kind of gal, and it's hard for me to pretend to give a shit when I don't.  Also, I suck at small talk.  I was made for the internet and texting.  Say what you have to say and you're done.  No commitment to fill the awkward spaces. 

I saw an article about how the brains of shy people process things differently.  So you see, don't be so quick to label "rude unsociable bitch."  We have a physical disorder.  Feeling pretty bad now, aren't you?  Fucking right. 

Despite my disorder, my encounters with new friends over vacation went well.  At least, that's how I remember it.  Of course, there were several shots involved, but I am pretty sure I was awesome and charming as hell.  Or crude and obnoxious.  It's a fine line.  It was also great reuniting with my best friend from high school, whom I haven't seen in over 15 years.  I was considerably more sober for that meeting, so I think I was a little more reserved.  Jason schmoozed as if he had grown up with my friend and her husband all his life.  Team Jason.

All in all the vacation was fabulous.  We started in St. Mary's (by Cumberland and Jekyll Island)-- beautiful town but man-eating sand gnats.  We visited Okefenokee Swamp and did the whole tour boat thing (I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT FUCKING WILD BLUEBERRY BUSH IT'S FUCKING HOT AND I JUST WANT TO SEE SOME ALLIGATORS SO STOP BACKING UP THE BOAT ALREADY).  After that we moved on to Tybee Island.  The weather was perfect and the kids loved the beach.  I won't bore you with a million pics (that's what Facebook's for, right?), but I just have to share this priceless gem:

Now THAT'S how you sell a bikini.