I just dropped off my son Jay at summer day camp, where he will get to experience lots of group games, camp sing-alongs, and good cheer.
God I hope he can forgive me one day.
When his camp counselor told me her name was Road Runner, it was all I could do to suppress the little Wednesday Addams in me. I never thought I'd be the kind of mom to embrace the camps and cub scouts and all of that, yet here I am, scouring the internet for enriching experiences to expose my son to this summer. And yes, I was that mom that was applying sunscreen on her kid at 8 o'clock in the morning. He may have lungs like a chain smoker from inhaling the fumes from those easy-spray cans of sunscreen, but by god he will not get skin cancer and everyone will know what a good mother I was.
I'm nervous about Jay getting his hearing aids wet or lost. Imagine attaching a thousand dollar bill to each ear on your kid and sending him off to the lake without you. But to be honest, what makes me more anxious is how well he will make friends. Believe it or not, I was not always Miss Popularity. Buses, in particular, are a source of tramatic memories for me. I remember years of walking down that long aisle lined with little kids making slant eyes at me. When I got older, it didn't help that I never had a car in high school and therefore was the oldest person ever to still ride the bus. All the other students were gangly little freshmen, while I already had a full beard and mustache.
Anyway, I hope my kid has an easier time fitting in than I did. Although I'm sure having hearing aids makes it more difficult. Maybe his cheerful disposition will win over. He does have his father's DNA too, after all.
Oh, and thanks for all the concern about me getting dooced because of my comments about Mr. Douche. I'm not too worried, though. I googled myself and the only thing that came up was some jazz artist or something. Just to be on the safe side, I went around and peed on a few of your blogs to throw off any trackers. Also, let's face it-- the extra money is nice but it's not exactly my dream job so if this ends badly I won't be devastated. Just broke. Again. It's the circle of life.
17 comments:
I am so glad i found this blog. You make me laugh. Your a great writer! Yeah hearing aids wet would not be a good thing! I can't believe they charge us so much for things that our a necessity for our Special Needs kids... pisses me off! Have a great week!
Here's to Jay! And Jay making new friends! He'll do excellent! I mean, at least all of the kids are in the same boat, right? And here's to Jay not losing those hearing aids!
P.S. I have to say that as a teacher, kids rarely make fun of hearing aids. They make fun of being fat, not doing well in kickball, and saying something stupid WAY more often...... Good to know, right?
Who cares about fitting in... all those kids that teased you on the bus, are now pathetic LOSERS! And as far as the hearing aids go, tell Jay to rock 'em! Only cool kids with superpowers get those! :)
You are very funny.
And I felt the same way last year about my son's camp counselor who called herself, "Jazzed."
I'm sure Dahmer's mom wasn't cool like you though. I can't wait till my kiddo can get sent off to camp. Can you say quiet time? LoL
Tell Jay if anyone makes fun of his hearing aids, he just needs to make a "your mom" joke and blam! coolest. camp. kid. ever.
Kids are so effin' evil. I think Miss Yvonne's suggestion is brilliant. Either that or teach him to be foulmouthed, kids love that.
I hated camp. I think it had a lot to do with the way I turned out as an adult.
Hey, and if you get Dooced, fame and fortune could await you. Not really, but I thought I would try to be upbeat.
I think I am still stuck on the part where you tell us about "Road Runner" Wow. Just, wow.
I think I am gonna call myself something "cool" as well, maybe Sparkle and make little jazz hands when I tell people my name. Then, I will be cool.
I remember hating everything about camp at first. And then I started learning how to pick up chicks. Is that comforting? It's meant to be.
Jay is lucky. I only went to a Baptist summer camp when I was young. Nothing says fun like prayer circles!
I'm going to have to agree with She Said- I ended up at church camp a few summers. I can't remember if they asked me not to come back or if I refused..... I'm still scarred.
I'm sure he'll have a good time. I was a social outcast and the one place I managed to have fun was camp, the one year I actually got to go.
So funny! I hate the idea of summer camp myself. For me, it's more like the way that Wednesday and Puggsly and little Joel Glicker in Addams Fam Values reacted.
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I laughed at the inhalation of toxic chemicals via the spray sun protection.
Seriously. That can't be good for them.
PS: I went to Girl Scout Camp where they made us do child labor by building the "Cinderella Staircase" in the woods. We hauled tree trunks and barrels of dirt. I am not kidding.
But hey. I survived. I think it built character or something. Or made me allergic to manual labor. And out-houses.
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