We are about to find out, internet. Latest development in the chicken world, I am about to finish six weeks of general manager training. I have now learned everything that can possibly be done to a chicken with or without a condom, and at what temperature it should be done at. Next week I will leave my cozy little shelter and go to work for the company asshole. I am not kidding-- this guy is legendary in his douchiness. His specialty? Yelling and publically demeaning his employees. Along with long walks on the beach and pina coladas, Mr. Douche enjoys going on firing rampages. I am told he once fired someone for wearing hoop earrings. In their ears. I'm guessing he's really not going to approve of my nipple piercings.
Why subject myself to this? Because I want his job. I want to oversee his stores, I want the company vehicle, his salary, and his Geneva convention-approved schedule. But I am thinking my smart mouth may get me in trouble. If he starts bellowing at me for no reason, I'm likely to calmly raise an eyebrow and ask, "Are you telling me, or the whole store?"
Anyone want to start a pool on how long I will last?
Hell, it may even be fun to fuck with this guy a little. The best mocking occurs when the intended target isn't even aware of it. Oh how I love a challenge! Let the games begin.
Update: We stopped taking Megan to daycare. She hated it. We hated it. She got sick her first week there. So now my friend Heather is watching her, which is great because her kids are close in age to mine and she is great with them. I just hope that Megan doesn't start to love her more than me. :(
13 comments:
Holy hell, I hated the restaurant and retail management phases in my career. I wish you luck, you're a better person than I am...please give the douche a run for his money for all of us who have endured the douches of the world for too long and too often.
thank you
The only thing worse than working for a douche bag man is working for a bitch douche bag woman. This sounds terrible, but for some reason I can be more forgiving of men. Or maybe I expect more out of women. At any rate, don't let him get to you. Chicks like you who say "fuck" will always prevail!
P.S. You'd make a great contributor to the anthology I'm putting together. Please consider submitting!
You know what would make you feel better? A penis straw. In your drink. On your lunch. With your boss.
Let the games begin! I'm going to make that my tagline for the day.
Pee on my feet? Let the Games Begin!
Fighting over the home computer? Hair pulling? Let the Games Begin!
Good Luck with the dickhead douche boss.
Wow. I wish you luck with the douche. Public humiliation is a capital offense in my book. OK, unwarranted public humiliation is. Give him hell. Oh, and don't get dooced. Please.
Oh, good luck! Sounds like Mr Douchebag (and your mockery) may provide lots of entertainment for US!
Keep us posted and if you need me to get out my cement shoes, they are armed and ready. I just have to get them back from the douche-canoe who crossed my path!
Just off him a blow job. Either he'll take you up on it, and it will only be unpleasant for a few minutes, or he won't and he'll be too shocked to ever deal with you directly again.
Worked for me.
Oh Dear God! I HATE touching chicken..... Good luck with that. LET alone the douchebag boss.......
I think fucking with this guy may produce the best blog posts EVER.
WOw! good luck to you! i have never been one to be able to put up with someone yelling at me and being all asshole-y ...cause i tend to get all asshole-y back and then quit before i get fired just so i can yell and make them back the hell up!
i think with your level of determination you will win his job and get his salary, i am rooting for ya!
I predict you will have him wrapped around your sarcastic little finger within a week. Just casually mention you will make him famous on your blog - who could resist!
haaa :) you're hilarious! ("thank you captain obvious. awesome cape, by the way" you're probably thinking...)
love the 'with or without a condom' line.
Post a Comment