If I had a penis I'm sure it would have been shriveled up right then.
That's it-- that's the first line to my novel, people.
I know what you must be thinking-- WOW, instant classic! People will be quoting that for decades and Alex Trebek will be reading that off on Jeopardy! How did you ever come up with that flash of genius, Kim?
Well, I've struggled with the beginning for my book for awhile now. I've got lots of stuff (essays, really) to fill up the body, but how to start? That was a dilema. The whole hiding in the attic from Nazi's thing just wasn't working for me, and I wanted to find a way to incorporate stories from my childhood without giving everyone nosebleeds like the flashbacks on Lost. Recently I've been trying to overcome my lifelong issues with my family-- it's complicated. And what the hell is up with blocking family members on Facebook? Whatever happened to good old fashioned drunken fights at holiday get-togethers? All of my life I've fantasized about Dynasty-style confrontations, big shoulder pads and all. Or at the very least one of us getting shot in the east wing of Southfork.
Anyway, I've reached a point in my life when I'm trying to let go of all of my bitterness toward my family. Okay, maybe not all of it (I'm not a fucking saint). I've realized that the only person it's hurting is me, and that my warped need for acceptance from them has held me back in so many areas of my life (blah blah blah). So I thought that it would be symbollic and cathartic to do something bold and out of my comfort zone that made me face my insecurities head on.
I told you my mother in law lives on a nudist resort, right?
On paper it sounds perfect-- I'm about to be 40 next year (God, that's even hard to write) and what a way to release all my hang ups about body image, taking back my power and all of that. (Also, what a great hook for a magazine article!) Of course, that's assuming I'll actually have the nerve to walk around in public with it all hanging out. And I do mean hanging.
So, who's up for a Thelma and Louise adventure? I'm looking at you, Christi.
We better hurry though because it's starting to get cold...
7 comments:
I just threw out the first draft of my novel knowing that my first sentence can never ever compete with yours. Or your penis. That is shriveled. Or is it mine?
Wow. The first sentence of my novel is pathetic compared to yours!!
I'm writing mine to get rid of that whole angst thing too... I hope it works well for you!
Crap. I just threw my first draft out too. Guess I should just turn to porn. Unless you're taking pics at the nudist colony.....
I call SHOTGUN!
Will a picture go with that opening? Perhaps make it a pop-up book.
I have been anticipating this book for at least twenty years!! YOU BETTER NOT BE TOYING WITH ME! I love the first line... (and now is the perfect time for that car ride-- my family is making me nuts)
Having had many painful relationships with step-relatives starting from early childhood, I too realized it was only hurting me to hang onto these feelings. So I said F*** them and lived my life, funny thing is our relationships got better when I didn't care about their problems. Still not close but my stress level dropped.
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