Okay, so now thanks to that chick that wrote Tiger Mom, every time I go out in public people will be regarding my children with pity because they will assume that I deprive them of extracurricular activities, friends, refined flour, and basically anything else good. I haven't read the book, but from all the responses so far, American moms are pretty much taking it as a big "F.U. bitches, you suck as mothers." So yeah, thanks for that too.
Who knew such an opinion would spark so much controversy? We were watching a debate about it on t.v. the other day, and can you believe my husband turned to me and said, "So that's where you get it from." Excuse me? Did he just say that I was strict? 'Cause I happen to think that I am the funnest, coolest most laid back mom ever. Or at least I was up until a few years ago, when my son's pending adolescence seems to have collided with my pending perimenapause, thus causing me to lose my shit a few times to the point where I have been known to speak in tongues and occasionally black out.
Okay, maybe I am a tad bit strict sometimes, but what can you expect when you've been raised by a drill sergeant? There was pretty much a rule for everything we did in our house, and for how long we could do it. But THAT is for another post, 'cause if there's one thing I've learned these last few years blogging, it's that readers start to drool a little after a certain word count, and their eyes begin to roll into the back of their heads. Also for another post, my experiences with my Asian mom (who adopted me)- she was not so much strict as she was batshit crazy and mean as hell. I swear, had I been born 20 years later I would most certainly have been whored out along the child pageant circuit by that woman. In preparation for our much anticipated arrival to America, the woman had me permed and pierced within an inch of my life. It took a full year for my hair to recover before it no longer looked like Gilda Radner's.
What I wanted to convey was that although of course we all want our children to succeed, I think it's important to let children be children. Let them remember a happy childhood-- it will shape who they will be and what kind of choices they will make for the rest of their lives. Grades and responsibility are absolutely important, but not to the exclusion of all else. I can live with the possibility that my child may not win a Nobel Prize. I couldn't live with it if my child were an addict, or alone and miserable.
Having said that though, maybe there is some merit to the idea that we sometimes have lowered expectations for our children compared to the Chinese. Maybe we are a tad too soft, too quick to lather on undeserved praise and give unearned rewards. How many times have I caught myself marveling at some drawing done by my 3 year old, when perhaps what I should have been saying to her is Seriously, Megan? I mean, whose head looks like that? Yeah, why don't you come back when you've put some real effort into it and quit wasting my time.
There. That should get her started on the road to success.
8 comments:
During my brief stint in studying Korean culture I was told that Asian parents have to push their kids to their limits because the populations are dense and they have to be prepared to compete with a million other people for advanced education and jobs. I also learned later in abnormal psyc that Asian teens have high (but often unreported or discussed) rates of suicide.
I definitely agree that Americans by and large don't push their kids to be the best at absolutely everything; mostly because we aren't competing with every man, woman, and child in the country - just the ones who *try*. I push my tot to try but not at the expense of wasting the only childhood she'll have.
Coming from a teacher, most Americans are WAY too soft. FOR REAL.
I'm with Jules.
Also, I read the original WSJ article after reading the furor in the blogs and it was not as bad as I had anticipated.
The mediocre are always at their best, and we love to be No. 1 without trying hard. Go USA!
I try not to let my kids have too much refined a**hole.
I read the whole thing at the WSJ and I have to say the media seems to be getting a lot more mileage out of it than the story would normally dictate. She was quoted out of context mostly.
My mom taught nursery school and Early Childhood Education. She always told her students to say "oh, tell me about this picture!" to a kid when it was unclear what it was even a drawing of because you don't want the kid to feel bad and that they are so bad that no one can even tell what they have drawn.
For our drawings? I remember her saying "what is THAT?" and scrunching up her brow, like we offended her by making her guess.
For MY kids, I will definitely just grab the drawing out of their hands without even looking at it and crumple it up, then tell them I will look when I know they are putting something in front of my face that is worth looking it.
I'm guessing both my kid and your kid are going to win Nobel prizes.
At least people will be judging you based on racial sterotypes and not because they know you.
That will come later.
I love that last line...made me giggle out loud. I've seen a few stories and interviews with this lady. While I agree that she takes discipline and structure to a whole new level - we are raising a generation of children that firmly believe they do not have to work for anything. They have this sense of entitlement that just makes me shudder when I encounter it.
Post a Comment